It was all just like any other year. 48 days of good fasting. Oru mandalam. Always only one thought in mind. Lord Ayyappa.
But mentally, I was more immersed into the thought this time than any other year, like water getting absorbed into fiber. I have undergone a lot of change in myself in the past 48 days. A change very positive. Spiritually. It has been a realization of something very different.
It all started with hesitation. A lot indeed. But after having been taken fasting for those 48 days, it has been a lot more different. I've become more determined to do things, moved towards serenity and realised that there is somebody above us watching whatever we do. All we think. There is also something else that I've realized, which is that for whatever you do there is always a reason for why you do it. Somebody else is always connected with whatever you do.
We reached Pamba and had a dip in the holy river as usual after the day of the irumudi kattu. Then started our journey towards a marvelous place, Panthalam. The place of god himself. In about 1.30 hours we reached the Pathinettaam Padi. A one and a half an hour journey on bare foot, that was a bit difficult this time. I was in fact finding it very difficult to cover Neelimalai Yetram and Apachi medu. There has not been much of exercise for a long time which resulted in this. Once I covered Apachi medu, it was easy to cover the rest of the distance.We reached the Pathinetaam Padi. The one which actually signifies the conquering of all qualities in this world. The last step signifies the conquering of Ignorance. The final stage of one's psychological life.
Pathinetaam padi
We touched the Kodimaram which consists of the vehicle of Lord Ayyappa at its top, a Horse. Then moved through the line for the Darshan. We slowly reached in front of the Lord and that is the moment we had been waiting for. With the irumudi in our head, we were in front of the lord himself.
Before the day of journey, I had a lot in mind. To tell the god, a Thank you for whatever he has given me in life and a prayer for a lot of others who have got problems in their lives.
But surprisingly, there was NOTHING in my mind when I was in front of the God. I got this opportunity to see the Lord again during our Nei abhisekham. I was there for 5 min in front of the Lord. Normally, this doesn't happen because some official there might tell you to move. But this time, it was the other way. Nobody told me to move. I'd nothing in my mind. A state of nothing. I was able to feel the presence of the Lord for sure. There is somebody there so vibrant. I still can't imagine, that I was standing there for 5 min feeling so peaceful. I wanted to be there forever.
A feeling that I've never experienced before. I don't know why but I was just looking at the idol and it was like the god smiling right in your face and telling you that everything is alright. I had no thought of returning back home. So powerful, graceful, and so silent among the crowd of many. Many people see the idol, but I don't know in what perspective they see. What I mean is, I don't know whether they actually, realise the Lord or they just see the idol..To our luck, ours was the last nei abhisekham for the day. The ghee was wiped off from the idol.
And that was the end of nei abhisekham for that day. It was more than a spiritual experience. I've been there for 15 years, but I've never experienced the God there, fully, than this time.
Whoever it is in the idol certainly possess a quality that is so different than that of a normal human being. A feeling that has to be realised, in order to experience it fully.
It all leads to a state of nothing. Is that what they call, Ignorance?? Well, maybe.
